Keeping up Appearances
by Cute-Sheenanigans
Summary: In which an angel and a demon drink a large quantity of alcohol and discuss their human forms. One-shot, rated M for smut.


In which an angel and a demon drink a large quantity of alcohol and discuss their human forms. Rated M for smut.

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Author's note: this is my first attempt at an ineffable husbands fic! Obligatory 'I do not own Good Omens or its characters' because if I did it would probably be a porno let's be honest.

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Crowley's brain was foggy, all things considered. It had been a long week in which the world had very nearly ended. Or, maybe it had ended and then it had begun again? In any case, the earth had not destroyed itself in a sizzling mass of fire and flame, but rather just stumbled a bit, and then righted itself before continuing on its way. Perhaps Armageddon really had been averted, and was never an actual part of that sodding ineffable plan, but it wasn't in Crowley's nature to be that optimistic. Definitely not when it concerned other demons. Or other angels for that matter.

The whole thing gave him a bit of a headache. And now at the end of that ordeal, all of Heaven and Hell had left them, at least for the time being, to do as they pleased on earth. And that begged the inevitable, and possibly terrifying question: what was it that he pleased to do? For Somebody's sake, his mind was reeling, and the liquor wasn't helping. After their lunch at the Ritz today, the two of them had made their way back to the book shop and opened a ridiculously expensive bottle of scotch. It was now empty, and Crowley was sprawled across Aziraphale's ornate loveseat, facing his angelic friend who occupied an armchair opposite him. He could feel the warmth of it rushing through his veins every passing minute.

It was around this point in his thought process that he realized Aziraphale was waiting for an answer to his question, and that he had been staring and not saying anything for what was most likely far too long. The angel's face was mildly perplexed and Crowley was suddenly self conscious. What had he asked him again?

"Sorry angel, what was the question? Bit lost in thought."

"Ah, yes," Aziraphale smiled, teasing. His eyes sparkled and Crowley's breath caught, if just for a second. "I can see that much. Not to worry, silly question really. What's got you distracted?"

"Oh no," Crowley's eyes narrowed to slits, peering at the angel through his serpentine pupils. "No no, now I've got to know. Spill it, 'Ziraphale, what was the question?"

Now it was Aziraphale's turn to be self conscious. The demon was a bit surprised to watch him shift in his seat, adjust his collar and flush. Not that Aziraphale was especially difficult to coax a blush out of, but that usually he wouldn't broach a topic improper enough to leave himself flustered. Crowley's intrigue heightened, and he pushed himself up on his elbow so he could more directly face him. Maybe his angel's mind was as cloudy as his was.

"Well then. Er," The principality hesitated, as if choosing his next words. "If you must know. I was just curious about whether you, in your 6,000 years in this human body, have ever had.. sexual intercourse?"

He trailed off a little at the end, his blush deepening but seemingly determined to maintain his composure. Crowley was now hyper-aware of the alcohol in his system, heating his skin and impairing his mental faculties. He slowly realized that he was staring wordlessly, slack jawed and completely at a loss for what to say.

"It's a reasonable question!" Aziraphale began speaking quickly, to fill the silence and rationalize his query. Crowley could hear anxiety in his voice, which was usually steady but now wavered and peaked at a higher pitch. "I mean I, obviously I have never...well, as an angel I mean it wouldn't be proper. I don't even want to think about Gabriel catching wind of something like that. But I mean you're not an angel and..."

He trailed off helplessly, glancing at Crowley, who's main focus was now to gather his wits and form a coherent sentence.

"Right," The demon pushed himself so that he was now sitting up on the loveseat with one knee bent, foot still propped on the cushion beside him. He made eye contact with Aziraphale. "I have, before. Not in quite a long time though. I've never fancied humans, in that sense."

Crowley could feel every centimeter of space between him and Aziraphale. It crackled with the same invisible energy he could always feel when they were together, plus something more. He leaned in, on instinct more than anything else. He wanted to be closer to his angel.

Something in Aziraphale's eyes had changed, too. There was a look there that Crowley didn't quite recognize. Apprehension or anticipation… or desire. The demon tried to shake himself back to reality, but it didn't entirely work. Slowly, Aziraphale spoke.

"And was it, well, all it's cracked up to be?" He attempted a light chuckle, but flushed again at Crowley's answering smirk. "I mean, after millennia of writing songs, poems, novels, movies… surely they must tire of it eventually."

The angel met his eyes again, briefly, before glancing away and pretending to be captivated by the nearest bookshelf.

"Do you really want to know?" Crowley was teasing now, and his demeanor showed as much. He was sitting on the very edge of the loveseat, his attention fixed on his angelic companion, head tilted back and appraising. Aziraphale became visibly nervous, but when he met the demon's eyes he nodded. This was all the encouragement Crowley needed.

Though his physical form was not currently that of a snake, his movements reflected one. In a second he bridged the gap between them, resting his arm on the back of his angel's chair. Aziraphale started but did not pull away, as Crowley dipped his head close and the angel felt hot breath on his neck.

"It's timeless, angel," He whispered, slow but deliberate. He lingered between words, almost allowing his lips to graze the soft skin of his neck. Aziraphale's breath came ragged and soft. "They will never tire of it. To love, physically, is the most devine sin."

With that, he captured angelic lips in his own. Aziraphale tasted the way he had always dreamed. Like sunshine and warmth and a very very old scotch. A soft whine vibrated from his angel's neck and Crowley's eyes rolled back in his head. He brought his hands to tightly grasp each side of his face, wrinkling his tartan collar.

"Crowley," Aziraphale breathed, when at last they broke apart for air. Their foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. "You're drunk, we're drunk. We should sober up before making decisions and-"

Crowley cut him off, abruptly. His golden gaze meeting the angel's own, unwavering.

"Listen to me you daft, brilliant creature. I have loved you from the moment you gave a pregnant woman a flaming sword in a desert, and I will love you until all this is long gone and we're just particles of intergalactic dust, floating away into the void."

Aziraphale seemed at a loss for words, his eyes searching Crowley's face for any sign of dishonesty, before his resolve broke and he melted into demonic arms. Their lips met again, and the kiss was a little deeper this time. A little needier.

Crowley straddled Aziraphale in the arm chair and began kissing a trail down his jaw, to his neck. Licking and sucking lightly, worshipping his angel's human form. Their labored breathing, Aziraphale's gasps of pleasure and shock filled the air of the book shop around them. Crowley felt something twitch beneath his thigh and smiled.

"Angel?" Crowley asked breathlessly. Aziraphale struggled to manifest the words to answer him.

"Yes, dear boy?"

Crowley pulled himself from his position at Aziraphale's neck, and sat back to lock their gazes once more. The angel was shifting uncomfortably, if nearly imperceptibly, beneath him. Attempting to get more friction against his hips.

"You were asking questions earlier," His voice was barely above a whisper, but they were so intertwined that there was no missing his words. "Now I have a question for you."

Aziraphale gulped, once again nervous. He could see a mischievous glint in those snake-like eyes, and he realized how truly vulnerable he was here.

Crowley felt the twitch beneath him once again, and rolled his hips gently. The resulting gasp was very satisfying, and his voice was husky with lust when he spoke his question.

"Have you ever had an orgasm?"

The angel broke eye contact immediately, looking at anything else. There wasn't much else to look at. There was a tactile silence for a few seconds before he breathed, "No."

A few more seconds and then, slowly, "Do you want to?"

Aziraphale was incapable of speech, but looked back up at Crowley with utter adoration before nodding. They began kissing again, tender and slow, and before they could break apart Crowley was snapping his fingers and transporting them to the angel's bedroom.

Aziraphale gasped and opened his eyes to find himself on his back, on his own bed, with Crowley positioned above him. Their clothes were on the floor beside the bedframe. He did not have time for another bout of nerves, however, before Crowley was kissing down his chest, brushing his forked tongue across Aziraphale's hot skin. The angel had to bite back a squeal and turn it into another needy whine. He wasn't sure what to expect, or what he wanted it to feel like. He only knew that he never wanted Crowley to stop touching him. He had this thought only moments before the demon reached his destination and looked up into his eyes, wrapping his lips around the head of Aziraphale's now throbbing erection.

The angel's mind turned to static. Everything but the exquisite feeling of Crowley's mouth, the heat of it that was like fire on his nerve endings, everything became background noise. He was attuned to Crowley and only Crowley. His shaky fingers curled themselves into red hair and he let out a loud gasp followed by an unbridled moan of ecstasy.

The demon was moving slowly down his shaft, taking him in inch by inch at an agonizing pace. Aziraphales fingers clenched and his legs squirmed, nothing left in his mind but the need for more of Crowley. Finally he reached the base of the angel's member, which had to be at least 10 inches, and paused for a moment to let Aziraphale gasp for air.

"Oh Crowley," His whole body was trembling, and his voice broke, "please!"

Before he could finish the word, Crowley was moving again. His head began to bob, his snake's tongue working the angel's cock with diligence. He took the entirety of it into his mouth again and again, slowly at first but then faster as his angel began to buck his hips to match his speed.

The delicious sounds aziraphale made with every stroke, every movement, sent shockwaves directly to Crowley's own erection. He moved one hand to it and began to slowly stroke himself as he pleasured his angel. He moaned deeply, and the sound sent vibrations through Aziraphale's member.

In response he gasped and then whined again, unsure of how to control any part of his body. He hoped he wasn't pulling Crowley's hair very hard, or causing him to choke, but he wasn't able to lessen his grip let alone stop what was happening. Not that he wanted it to stop. The feelings bombarding him from Crowley's mouth now seemed to be building to something, and rather quickly at that. He tapped frantically on the demon's shoulder to warn him, but Crowley did not slow down. Aziraphale's bucking hips began to move jerkily, his body tensing and spasming.

"Oh dear, oh my, oh, ooohhh Crowley!"

Crowley sucked his angel through his first orgasm, one hand braced on his thigh to steady him. His other hand was working his own cock, and when he heard Aziraphale call out his name the demon gave in to his climax. He felt the world shift underneath him, felt aziraphale shooting hot cum into his mouth, saw stars. And then there they were, panting and sticky with sweat.

He swallowed, and moved his mouth to kiss the soft skin of Aziraphale's belly before crawling up to collapse on the sheets next to him. The angel bushed a lock of hair out of his face and admired him, illuminated by moonlight from a window above the bed. At a moment like this, it seemed impossible to him that Crowley was no longer an angel.

"Dear boy," He said, once he had gained the ability to speak again, "I fear I may have choked you."

Crowley let out such a spontaneous and hearty laugh that the angel was momentarily startled, before taking Aziraphale's face in his hands and kissing him with an unrivaled passion.

"Never fear, angel," He breathed against his lips, "Snakes haven't got a gag reflex."

They chuckled together, and Crowley could feel Aziraphale's smile linger through the next kiss. He took a breath, closed his eyes, and for once counted himself the luckiest demon alive. The rest of them would never feel divinity again, and Crowley intended to taste heaven every day until the end of time.


End file.
